I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
