She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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