I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
