I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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