You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
