one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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