I cannot find my penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
