There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
