I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
