That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
