I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
