I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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