if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
