fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
