just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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