I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
