So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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