At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I came so hard my ears popped.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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