my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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