Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
