She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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