$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
