I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
