Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
