Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
