who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
