new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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