dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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