Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
