Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mom said you looked used
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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