Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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