Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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