but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
