i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
