i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
