I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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