I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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