Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
