I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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