Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
