Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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