i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
