I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
