I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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