when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
