handjob tips. give me some.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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