Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
