Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
