Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
