Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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