apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
