Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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