Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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