i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
