I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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