I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
