I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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